Diaries of an author: part four

Whew. Here we go.

The rollercoaster I was expecting is definitely real for me.

Somedays I sit down to write and it just FLOWS and I feel so pumped about it and feel like what I’m writing is actually really good.

And then there are days like today.

Where I sit down to write and I’m not even sure what I’m saying. Why I’m saying it. If it’s coming out too preachy. If I’m not telling enough of a story. If it’s too vulnerable. If it’s even making sense. Or if it’s even what I want to say.

Other ideas come and I start thinking maybe I should scrap the whole thing and do that.

As well as the imposter syndrome (oh hello again). The constant feeling like who am I to do this?!

But then the words of someone who guided me through an incredible retreat come to mind…

Who am I not to?

What if what I have to say is exactly what someone needs? Who am I to hold that back from them simply because I feel like I’m not qualified or articulate enough to say it. What if I need this and it’s just for me and my growth? Even that would still be a reason to try.

I knew I would be grateful I asked my bestie to write this with me because I knew that this would be a part of it. The rollercoaster and I wanted to ride it together. So I phoned a friend and message my co-author bestie asking her for her advice and what she said was so good.

1. Follow the thread – even if I’m not sure I’m going to keep it, still follow the thread through and write what I was writing initially. I might scrap it but maybe in the writing I’ll figure it out too.
2. I was saying I don’t feel like a “good” writer compared to other books I’m reading and she said, “What makes a good writer anyway? Who actually defines what that means?” Truuuue. Like any form of art – there’s not really a good way to judge if it’s good or not. Which leads into…
3. She also said “I don’t want to dim part of my personality in this process” – oof. so. good. That one hit to my core. I mentioned that as I read other people’s work it makes me feel like I should change mine to match theirs because theirs is so good. But part of the whole point of writing a book is to share my unique story my unique way. They already wrote there’s and they don’t need an echo. And I don’t want to read it later and feel like I don’t even recognize who’s talking.

So, back to doing my best to do what I talk about in the book anyway – staying in my lane. And believing in myself. I found this amazing quote the other day that spoke to my core too:

“If something is on your heart to do, it will never leave. You don’t owe the world a specific result in answering this calling, but you do owe it to yourself to listen to it. To simply try.”

Gold. Thank you @thekayanova.

So here I go back to answering the call on my heart and leaving the result out of it – to simply listen and try.

XO, Ren