Connecting with God when Nothing Feels Safe
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Growing up in a very religious community, home, and thick culture I developed a lot of beliefs about God that honestly led me to be way more afraid of Him than anything.
Always waiting for Him to “get me” somehow. The other shoe to drop. Him to punish me for doing something wrong or not in line with the list of rules I felt like I had to follow to be good enough for Him.
My heart aches for my younger self honestly.
Through my faith expansion I’ve come to find some ways I really enjoy connecting with God. They ebb and flow and sometimes I lean much more into one than others. There’s give and take. But these have been some safe way for me to connect with God, especially when other things no longer felt safe.
Worship Music
Music has always been something I connect with deeply. I love worship music and how it’s shaped my belief in a good God, helped me believe in God, and sustained me through some of life’s hardest moments. You can find my playlist here:
The Bible
Honestly for a while scripture did not feel safe for me, or connecting. I didn’t read in it for a while and for me personally I think that was the right call because eventually I felt like God was inviting me back into it and I could actually be in there without being triggered. Sometimes it’s an amazing conduit for me to connect with God and has helped me so much and felt like God speaking right to me. Other times, not so much. There’s honestly a lot in there I gloss over because it doesn’t feel good to me or seem like God to me – like the violence and phrases that seem like an angry or vengeful God especially. But I try to assume that maybe I don’t understand something, rather than that God isn’t good. ChatGPT has actually been a fabulous tool in helping me understand the Bible in a way that helps me trust God and His goodness, helps me understand why passages I used to feel like were too harsh actually make sense, or that everything in scripture is not actually something God condoned.
One way of reading I really enjoy if I’m not feeling very connected through the scriptures is the scripture of the day on the Bible app, phone lock screens I’ve made for myself with some of my favorite scriptures, opening up somewhere random, or – as John Eldredge taught – asking God where He wants me to read and listening to what comes to mind. Sometimes it doesn’t seem like a fit and sometimes it really is.
Someone in church said that just like manna was boring, always the same, not exciting – it was still nourishing. Sometimes scripture study or any connection attempts feel kind of the same way. Sometimes they’re awesome, but a large part of the time it’s maintaining a nourishing habit.
I enjoy the NIV version of the Bible the most.
Conversational Prayer
I was taught to very in a very specific format – “bless this food to nourish and strengthen our bodies and help us to all travel home safely” iykyk haha. And it really led to prayers not being much of a connecting experience but more of a rote thing. As I started entering my faith crisis I started changing how I was praying to be more casual. Like a conversation with a Father. At first it felt wrong honestly because of how I’d been taught, but I love it. Not following a set format, having an honest, real, raw, vulnerable conversation – for me it’s the best.
Journaling
I often write out my prayers. Just writing my thoughts, struggles, asks – it’s very therapeutic and one of my favorite ways to pray right now. Plus, it’s cool to look back and see threads, relearn lessons, and be able to share bits places like here.
Meditation and Visualizing
Something I’ve come to realize is that a lot of what I thought was God speaking to me, I think was actually so clouded by anxiety or fear that I wasn’t getting the clear message. Kind of like a static-y radio (if people even know what that is anymore lol). Taking time to calm my racing mind and heart helps me be able to connect much better to who I feel like God really is rather than the fear and anxiety and stress I have often confused Him for. I also love envisioning having a conversation with Him – it’s the best. Here are some of my favorite tools for meditation and visualization:
Insight Timer – Sarah Blondin is one of my favorite teachers on there.
Khamir Music – some of my favorite music to meditate and visualize with.
Walks and Nature
Similar to meditation and visualizing, just getting outside and/or getting my body moving can really help me clear my mind and feel clarity and God’s presence better. It’s funny as I’m writing this I’m thinking, wow why do I not take my own advice more? Haha. But really, if I have a creative block or need to clear my head this is such an effective method – one I need to utilize more too. I think God gave us the gift of nature as one of our greatest teachers and maybe almost as a way we can instantly connect with Him.
The Chosen TV Series
This one is big for me. The Chosen was pivotal for my faith journey and in helping my belief change from a fear-based God to a God that is good. I love it. I can’t tell you how much it has helped me and how often watching it has felt like God speaking right to me and what I needed in that moment. To me it’s absolutely inspired work and I’m so grateful for it.
Talking, Sermons, Books
Talking with others who are open and safe and sharing my experience has given me a lot of strength and comfort in my journey. Sometimes someone says something that is just what I needed to hear, calms fears, or helps me reconnect to the beliefs I want to have but am struggling to maintain. Sermons from South Mountain Community Church – especially from Pastor Eric – have been a great blessing to my life as well, and devotional books – here are some I’ve loved:
Waking the Dead, Walking with God, Captivating, these devotional videos, or most things from John Eldredge
The God Shaped Brain – which I actually haven’t finished yet but it is so good so far that I still feel confident recommending it
I hope these ideas can help you find your own ways to connect with God especially if you’re in the midst of a faith transition and things don’t feel as safe as they used to. I believe God is always after your heart, I believe He does not give up on anyone, I believe He is so much better than most of us were taught or believe, and I believe He’s very patient and aware of each of our journeys. I pray you’ll feel that.
XO, Ren
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